One of the joys of being an author is when you get to write something, and then you read through it. A lesser person, perhaps, may get disheartened if at first, the story written is not a literary masterpiece.
Not true authors though. True, experienced authors understand not everything is right first time. Also, there is no such thing as the “perfect story”. Few things in the world are perfect.
The key to enjoying writing is that you write something, and then when you look back and see an aspect which can be improved, you smile. You relish the challenge. You don’t moan or complain (much!), you simply get on with it, you correct the aspect you feel can be improved.
There is no “perfect story”, as noted above. Because perfect is in the eye of the beholder. In this case, if you, the author, are happy, then that is the important aspect. Because the perfect story is a story you read back, and are happy with. A story you can say you are proud of, a piece which you believe to be a story you would want to read.
What is the purpose of this entry then? What am I trying to say? What I am trying to say is that if people give you feedback, take it on board. Sometimes, you will look back and agree with the criticism, and use that to make yourself a better writer. At other times however, you look back and decide that your preference is to keep things how they are.
Also, if the writing starts feeling like hard work, don’t think about it as a chore. Think of how good you will feel when it is published, when it is a success. If you’re not enjoying it, then take a step back, and think about whether you are writing for the right reasons. The only person who can force you to write is yourself.
Right then, time for Chapter 3 of What Makes an Army. Same rules apply, I will advertise the start of the chapter, then leave the link if you want to read the rest. This is Purest Evil.
What Makes An Army
Chapter Three: Purest Evil
Point of View: Phil
After Hannah’s sacrifice, I took her up to the converter, and turned the intensity up, with the totality reduced from 90% to 60%.
Mollie: ‘So why are you turning the intensity up?’
Phil: ‘Her will is on a whole new level of strong.’
Mollie: ‘She asked for it.’
Phil: ‘Doesn’t mean she won’t resist. The subconscious can be even stronger than the conscious mind.’
Mollie: ‘And the amount reduced?’
Phil: ‘There’s a lot I need from her still.’
Mollie: ‘I take it you know what you’re doing?’
Phil: ‘Trust me on this one- instinct is one thing you can’t explain. Now let’s fire this baby up. I suggest you leave the room.’
Phil: ‘This could be painful to watch. That’s why I have to stay.’
Mollie: ‘I’ll go then. See you later.’ Mollie then left the room, and I had a moment to reflect.
Phil: ‘Hannah, this is for your own good. One day, you’ll thank me for this.’ I then stroked the side of her face, and pulled out a photo of us two from professional card duelling, celebrating a world title. I then switched the machine on. A piercing scream filled the room. Then another one. Then crying. Then one last massive scream. Then nothing. So, I left the room and went to consult everyone else.
When I came down, Lydia came up to me.
Lydia: ‘Did I do it?’ I just stroked the top of her hair.
Phil: ‘You did.’ I then addressed everyone. ‘Everybody, thank you for your help. Hannah has now been liberated. That’s just the start of the story though. More to follow. Freja, have you got that propaganda?’ Freja then produced a poster, which showed all of us (including Hannah) standing around, with a tagline saying “Liberation for the gifted. All for” there was no ending.
Freja: ‘Our club hasn’t been named, so there is no name there.’
Phil: ‘How about we find a name later? Then we can complete that. You come up with anything different Lydia?’
Lydia: ‘You suggested uniform, so I designed uniform.’ It was a black jacket, with an empty space above the heart region for the club logo, and red trim.
Phil: ‘I love it Lydia- you have both done an excellent job. Jodi, how’s the head?’
Jodi: ‘Don’t worry about me master- I am nothing.’
Phil: ‘You’re very important- you all are.’ About 2 hours later, Hannah’s conversion was complete. When I extracted her, she looked serene and asleep. But I knew that in reality, she was evil, having been completely corrupted like everyone else. ‘Sean, I want you and Jodi to stay on security- enough people have broken in here.’ They then did that, and I called over to Freja.
‘Freja, come here and sit in front of me.’ She then walked over, red hairband on, and gracefully placed herself on the seat. I then locked her into the seat (double seatbelt), and started running my fingers through her hair (purely pleasure, a perk of the job). ‘Now Freja, you are a slave. You do whatever I want, whenever I want you to.’
Freja: ‘I will obey.’
Phil: ‘I know you will. You all will. You are part of my new world. You are buoyant, a young girl. Turned evil, completely corrupted, by me.’
Freja: ‘I will obey.’
Phil: ‘Good girl.’
After Hannah woke up, it was time for the reveal.
Phil: ‘You ok there Hannah?’ Hannah stood up, and immediately looked completely empty, hair parted to the side.
Hannah: ‘Must obey master.’
Phil: ‘Good girl. Now you and me, we are a team, just like we always were. Time for a little makeover next.’ I then sat Hannah down in the chair that Freja had been sat in earlier. ‘Mollie, time for Hannah’s makeover. This is how I’d like it- not too much, but enough to make her the new her.’ Mollie then got to work.
20 minutes later, she was done- Hannah’s once wild hair was now tied tight in a very corporate ponytail, with a black leather strap keeping it in place, and smoky black and purple eye make-up. She was also wearing the same uniform as everyone else. ‘How do you feel Hannah?’ She then grinned.
Hannah: ‘I am your obedient slave master.’
Phil: ‘Good. You will soon learn that you made the right decision.’ I then ran my fingers through her hair. A couple of hours later, I addressed everyone again. ‘Today is a good day- a good day to be a revolutionary. We have a purpose- we punish the outside world for failing us, for never believing, for treating us like we are an alien species. We are all gifted in our own special ways. Some of us know how we’re gifted, others perhaps haven’t found their niche yet. But we are all important here- those who do not conform are against us.’
‘We need an identity though- a name that will resonate with those of the outside world and make them tremble with fear.’
Lydia: ‘We’re all outcasts, so outcasts.’
Hannah: ‘Renegades- we’re outcasts. That makes us rebels and outlaws.’
Right, to read the rest, follow the lovely little link down here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9036873/3/What-Makes-An-Army